The past is the past. I know that. And it's for the best to leave the past behind you, where it belongs. Otherwise you can't really move forward in life. But still, there're a few more things I need to say. When I got to know you , I was a bitter and dark woman. I didn't believe in love anymore, in having faith in others, in myself. It felt like I was doemd. Than I ran into you. You said certain things, I don't know if you meant it, it gave me a little bit of hope again. That flame in me that almost died, started to burn again. Slowly, but it was there.
Part 2 :
I started to think, like I did so many times. It only maded me sad, over and over. Should I come closer? 'Cause I really felt attraction. I didn't want to be hurt again, to be played again. After thinking and thinking, I finally gave you my number, And as you know, we texted every day. I felt butterflies, but was it love? I didn't know. It wasn't like the love I felt for him. I enjoyed every second I spend with you. And when you weren't around, I wish you did. I enjoyed the attention you gave me
Part 3 :
But was it love? I couldn't tell. I couldn't be with you all the time, but I couldn't be without you. I was cruel and difficult, only to push you away. Because I found that I didn't deserved you.. You deserved better than I, a monster. Yes, I thought I was a monster. I didn't know how to love anymore. Pushing you away as far as I could, I thought was the best, especially for you. But honestly? I can't live without you. I know you think ; what about him? I love him, otherwise I wouldn't be so patient with him. But I wonder. Do I wanna be with him in 10 years?
Part 4 :
I fantasied about a future of us. That everything turned out right. We were both happy. But he is my safe haven. He knows me better than anyone. And just like me, he's scared of getting hurt. But still... what if...? 'Till this day, I think about you, mostly every day. I still enjoy your company so much. And when we say goodbye I think ; what if..? I know it's better this way, not being together. but I can't help but wonder, what if? I dream of a future , you and me, and I think.. what if?
After our break up, I convinced myself that I can live without you. That I deserved better, someone who isn't afraid to love me. I guess you thought nothing would change, but it all did, slowly. Days passing, I took steps back. I wanted to move on. But how more steps I took away from you, how more scared you began to feel. You said you didn't want to lose me. You said you enjoyed every time we hanged out. More and more you say you love me. You confuse me.
I still love you. I always will. But I'm not in the mood to get nowhere. To be emptyhanded when it gets to serious for you.
I want someone to build a future with, someone who will stand by my side. No matter what